Have you ever had an AHA moment and just was like damn girl why didn’t you pay attention the first damn time? The answer has already been given over and over again!!!
That’s what recently happened to me, a great big whaappap, WAKE UP and pay attention lol. As you guys know, well if you read some of my posts, I’m kind of a mess at the moment, trying to figure some things out. Well trying to figure ME out. Destructive, stressed, clueless and most days just depressed.
For a few months now my auntie has been calling me out of the blue and it’s almost like she knows what I need at that moment. Each time she guides me to scripture and it’s always about asking for what you want and trust the process. Clearly I’m not happy but I’m grateful for this life of mine. Its going to be a process, but a much-needed process to heal this ole heart of mine! I’m learning who I am, to love myself more and I get very frustrated because the process is forcing me to deal with some issues and choices I’ve made in the past that I seem not able to forgive myself for. WHY?
Anyways back on track, ASK!
These are some of the events that kind of transpired throughout the last few months:
I’ve been lead to Matthew 10:20 “for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” and also Matthew 20:10 “So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius.” (so weird about this 10:20 number that keeps coming up). Awesome I checked into the scripture still not sure what this means for me.
My auntie has been guiding me in every conversation to “ASK”. Umm ok what am I asking for?
I read this same quote just about daily “As I began to love myself, I found that anguish and emotional sufferings are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know this is Authenticity!” Wasn’t sure why, didn’t quite understand what it meant but still something kept me intrigued and a need to read it developed.
Ran across some Oprah youtube videos about the law of attraction and asking, oh how I LOVE me some OPRAH woohoooo, but this particular book stuck out in one of the videos “Ask and it is given Learning to manifest your desires by Jerry and Esther Hicks” hmmm interesting I may pick it up one day to read. But then this book pops up two more times, once on an episode of Being Mary Jane, Gabrielle Union is so fierce on this show by the way, and also on a receipt from Barnes and Noble books you may also be interested in. YIKES! needless to say I purchased the book the same day and couldn’t help but to dive right in.
I read over half of the book that very night, something strong just took over me as I was so curious to understand what the pages were going to unleash to me. As I began flipping page after page, my phone starts playing India Arie Truth, oh yesss this freaked me out beyond measure, like what the hell iheart radio just starts playing, but anyway only the words “You know the truth by the way you feel.” stuck out to me because that was what the book was explaining in sooo many words. OKAY I’M LISTENING NOW!
The book, Ask and it is Given, talked about your guidance system. You know if you are operating in terms of who you are by the way you feel. The emotions, thoughts etc you possess or create everyday tells you how close you are to your true self, true desire. The further away you are from being happy and positive, the further you are away from your true heart desires. OK now I understand a bit more from previous books I have read, previous experiences and this very moment. I am not off track, I am right on time on this life journey of mine. Like I said its all a process we all have to be chopped, broken down, straightened out a bit in order to get to where we desire to go in life. I hit the broken down part, my knees are bruised from being on them so much. Now I’m just learning to allow God to smooth me out and be the person HE created me to be. That’s where the ASKing came from, ASK FOR HELP, you can’t do it alone. So Ask, believe and allow yourself to Receive (which is also explained in the Secret, a great read as well).
Tying this rambling manifest together, all God was trying to tell me was to ASK for HELP and trust that He will show me the way. Where was/is my faith???? Pride, lack of faith, trust and stubbornness amongst other things led me here and I’ll be damn if it keeps me here!
“I have the power to break free from my past and create a better life for myself.”
NicoleCarter 