WELL WELL!!

Have you ever had an AHA moment and just was like damn girl why didn’t you pay attention the first damn time? The answer has already been given over and over again!!!

That’s what recently happened to me, a great big whaappap, WAKE UP and pay attention lol. As you guys know, well if you read some of my posts, I’m kind of a mess at the moment, trying to figure some things out. Well trying to figure ME out. Destructive, stressed, clueless and most days just depressed.

For a few months now my auntie has been calling me out of the blue and it’s almost like she knows what I need at that moment. Each time she guides me to scripture and it’s always about asking for what you want and trust the process. Clearly I’m not happy but I’m grateful for this life of mine. Its going to be a process, but a much-needed process to heal this ole heart of mine! I’m learning who I am, to love myself more and I get very frustrated because the process is forcing me to deal with some issues and choices I’ve made in the past that I seem not able to forgive myself for. WHY?

Anyways back on track, ASK!
These are some of the events that kind of transpired throughout the last few months:
I’ve been lead to Matthew 10:20 “for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” and also Matthew 20:10 “So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius.” (so weird about this 10:20 number that keeps coming up). Awesome I checked into the scripture still not sure what this means for me.

My auntie has been guiding me in every conversation to “ASK”. Umm ok what am I asking for?

I read this same quote just about daily “As I began to love myself, I found that anguish and emotional sufferings are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know this is Authenticity!” Wasn’t sure why, didn’t quite understand what it meant but still something kept me intrigued and a need to read it developed.

Ran across some Oprah youtube videos about the law of attraction and asking, oh how I LOVE me some OPRAH woohoooo, but this particular book stuck out in one of the videos “Ask and it is given Learning to manifest your desires by Jerry and Esther Hicks” hmmm interesting I may pick it up one day to read. But then this book pops up two more times, once on an episode of Being Mary Jane, Gabrielle Union is so fierce on this show by the way, and also on a receipt from Barnes and Noble books you may also be interested in. YIKES! needless to say I purchased the book the same day and couldn’t help but to dive right in.

I read over half of the book that very night, something strong just took over me as I was so curious to understand what the pages were going to unleash to me. As I began flipping page after page, my phone starts playing India Arie Truth, oh yesss this freaked me out beyond measure, like what the hell iheart radio just starts playing, but anyway only the words “You know the truth by the way you feel.” stuck out to me because that was what the book was explaining in sooo many words. OKAY I’M LISTENING NOW!

The book, Ask and it is Given, talked about your guidance system. You know if you are operating in terms of who you are by the way you feel. The emotions, thoughts etc you possess or create everyday tells you how close you are to your true self, true desire. The further away you are from being happy and positive, the further you are away from your true heart desires. OK now I understand a bit more from previous books I have read, previous experiences and this very moment. I am not off track, I am right on time on this life journey of mine. Like I said its all a process we all have to be chopped, broken down, straightened out a bit in order to get to where we desire to go in life. I hit the broken down part, my knees are bruised from being on them so much. Now I’m just learning to allow God to smooth me out and be the person HE created me to be. That’s where the ASKing came from, ASK FOR HELP, you can’t do it alone. So Ask, believe and allow yourself to Receive (which is also explained in the Secret, a great read as well).

Tying this rambling manifest together, all God was trying to tell me was to ASK for HELP and trust that He will show me the way. Where was/is my faith????  Pride, lack of faith, trust and stubbornness amongst other things led me here and I’ll be damn if it keeps me here!

 

“I have the power to break free from my past and create a better life for myself.”

Courage

Have you ever heard something or watched something and you just knew that it was meant for you? Like, everything that you had been questioning, struggling with, praying for etc etc was addressed and either gave you the motivation to keep going or answered a troubling question in your life?

I don’t think I have ever had a feeling of that sort before until a few nights ago. It was very refreshing, comforting and uplifting among other things, an explosion of different emotions, a feeling that really can’t be described, those listed kind of gives an idea of the feeling, came over me as I watched the Gabby Douglas Story.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, good times, bad times, ups and downs. Of course, through it all, I understand that I haven’t had a rough life, like some have but it’s still my life, my struggles, my pain, my happiness, my journey etc etc. Watching Gabbys’ story displayed a tremendous amount of courage, discipline, commitment, support, faith and heart, which a lot of us lack and wonder why we haven’t accomplished our goals or obtained our dreams.  She knew what she wanted and went for it and had the backing and full support from her family, which was huggeeeeee! There was a point in the movie where she was ready to quit and give up everything. She thought she was defeated and her hard work wasn’t giving her the results she wanted, when she expected them to. This portion clearly illustrated how to push forward, have faith and know that it is ok to be knocked down because at that point you are in perfect position to pray, give it to god, get up and be better and stronger than you were before.  I think I am at this point, spiraling down fast, not knowing which way to go, just ready to give up and quit. The movie and Gabbys’ determination spoke to me, it gave me confirmation about everything and that God just wants me to be closer to him sooner. Meaning everything is hitting me so hard that I have no choice but to turn back to God. So, I did what I knew best got down on my knees and asked for the courage and strength to move forward. I know in my heart there is so much more waiting and like the coach in the movie said “A champion isn’t made of muscle, a champion is made of heart, so block out all distractions and believe in yourself”

I had to remember the reason WHY I was stepping into different zones, different ventures and it is simply because I can not do what I want to for my FAMILY and others. I constantly hold myself back from achieving things because I never fully believed I could do it. Now I know I can and it’s my responsibility to make sure my family lives well and can experience life beyond what is taught or easily obtainable.

Ask yourself do you have the courage to be the champion your family has sacrificed for?

 

Brand New

Don’t expect a sorry, I’m discovering myself. Don’t be mad it’s a brand new time for me. WHAAAAAAAATTTT GURRRRLLLL!!!!!

I love me some Alicia Keys. Always been fascinated with her since the release of the song Fallen back in ’01, I think that’s the year. There is not one single song of hers, I can’t crank to the highest level and just get lost in.  I don’t even care if she comes out with a song about the alphabet, LOL, I’ll play it to death as well.

It’s been a recent routine to start my day off with Alicia and todays song was Speechless featuring Eve, OH BOI, OH BOI that song OH BOI! Anyways, I say that to say it lead me to a few interviews that gave me a deeper understanding of why I connected to her and her music so much.

In one interview something she said stuck with me and then my brother, Broadus, sent me a message giving me some advice and boom I started writing. Crazy how simple things, if you PAY ATTENTION, can open your eyes to much more. But what she said was a few events in her life made her say OK, it’s time for me to control my destiny. (Very fitting for myself) Something to sit and dwell on for bit! In the interviews she was open, carefree and happy, it really showed peace!

What I gathered from watching these things was that at one point in time she was lost, stayed out of the way and drowned herself in work, was far from being happy and at peace. A celebrity who has everything that most people dreamt of but it meant nothing because she didn’t really know herself.  This goes to show that, once again, behind all the glitz, glitter, glam and smoke lies hurt and pain of some sort and that’s where the true meat of your story and who you are lies.

We all have a life we live from and a life we learn from. Find your truth, be honest, love and respect yourself. Let me take that back and rephrase it for a second, once you learn how to be truthful, be honest, love and respect God first, then you can be those things with yourself and others. Getting to that place that says Here I am, this is me, love it or hate it, who cares I’m me is going to be well worth all the tests, trials, struggle, pain and hurt we each go through.

Question to think about: Who would you be if you lost everything that so called defined you as a person?

http://youtu.be/0lr80E8GO64