Shhhhh……

secrets3

I heard the most interesting thing and it has some great power to its message, definitely something that stuck with me:

“God has given you one face and yet you make another.  The person we are and the person we pretend to be, everyone struggles with this because we all have secrets.  The funny thing is the most dangerous secrets are the ones we keep from ourselves.”

3am

3AM

3am knew all my stories
heard all my sighs
and witnessed my heart shattering

Author: Unknown

 

I don’t know what it is about 3 and 4am but I always awake at either time and lay in silence divulging my inner most precious feelings without saying a word. My thoughts and feelings wake me up and I guess it’s safe to say that 3 and 4am know all my secrets, even though they aren’t written nor spoken aloud!. I was curious to know if there was any significance to 3am in the bible, so I looked up a few things. Still rather confused by a lot but searching for a better understanding. Is this my prayer hour, my time to spend with God?? Is this the witching hour, my fight between darkness and light? I don’t know what it is at this time but I know it is the time I face myself inside my mind!

 

Courage

Courage

Have you ever heard something or watched something and you just knew that it was meant for you? Like, everything that you had been questioning, struggling with, praying for etc etc was addressed and either gave you the motivation to keep going or answered a troubling question in your life?

I don’t think I have ever had a feeling of that sort before until a few nights ago. It was very refreshing, comforting and uplifting among other things, an explosion of different emotions, a feeling that really can’t be described, those listed kind of gives an idea of the feeling, came over me as I watched the Gabby Douglas Story.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, good times, bad times, ups and downs. Of course, through it all, I understand that I haven’t had a rough life, like some have but it’s still my life, my struggles, my pain, my happiness, my journey etc etc. Watching Gabbys’ story displayed a tremendous amount of courage, discipline, commitment, support, faith and heart, which a lot of us lack and wonder why we haven’t accomplished our goals or obtained our dreams.  She knew what she wanted and went for it and had the backing and full support from her family, which was huggeeeeee! There was a point in the movie where she was ready to quit and give up everything. She thought she was defeated and her hard work wasn’t giving her the results she wanted, when she expected them to. This portion clearly illustrated how to push forward, have faith and know that it is ok to be knocked down because at that point you are in perfect position to pray, give it to god, get up and be better and stronger than you were before.  I think I am at this point, spiraling down fast, not knowing which way to go, just ready to give up and quit. The movie and Gabbys’ determination spoke to me, it gave me confirmation about everything and that God just wants me to be closer to him sooner. Meaning everything is hitting me so hard that I have no choice but to turn back to God. So, I did what I knew best got down on my knees and asked for the courage and strength to move forward. I know in my heart there is so much more waiting and like the coach in the movie said “A champion isn’t made of muscle, a champion is made of heart, so block out all distractions and believe in yourself”

I had to remember the reason WHY I was stepping into different zones, different ventures and it is simply because I can not do what I want to for my FAMILY and others. I constantly hold myself back from achieving things because I never fully believed I could do it. Now I know I can and it’s my responsibility to make sure my family lives well and can experience life beyond what is taught or easily obtainable.

Ask yourself do you have the courage to be the champion your family has sacrificed for?

 

Silly Girl

love-and-basketball-movie

I freaking love the movie, love and basketball and especially the picture above, it’s just so simple yet can bring about so many things.  OHHH and yesss your girl usssssssed to play ball, not for school or anything but don’t get it twisted though I will still lace up the sneakers and get it in lol.

 

Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall.

YES I believe in true love, YES I believe in fairy tales(my fairy tale), and YES I believe that there is that one person in this world that was truly placed here for me and only me. Hey, what can I say I’m a hopeless romantic but I do have a dirty mind!!!!!

I love everything about love, in its simplest form. Love to me is a gift, its art, its creative, its majestic but most important its simple never complicated. Sometimes I have those days where I just drift away and kind of dream a bit about being in love with someone, picture the things we would do together, the experiences we would share together, the love we would make and the things we would do for each other. Yes TOGETHER, I’m not selfish when it comes to love, we share the experience TOGETHER. I don’t just want to be held by someone, I want to hold them too. Being able to be truly naked with each other, not meaning unclothed, but being able to let them inside your soul, your thoughts, letting them know your fears, your hearts desires, insecurities, hopes, dreams, aspirations, know your past and your expectations for the future. Just being able to simply lay it all on the table, nothing to hide, this is all of me. That’s love in a nutshell for me, even emulating the way kids see the world around them and how easily they find the joy and beauty in things is ultimately how I feel about love.

In today’s society I don’t know if there is any room to even experience this type of love these days. I mean when someone says let’s make this official whether it be boyfriend girlfriend, girlfriends, boyfriends, or marriage. To me that means I love, cherish, respect and trust you, I enjoy you, I want to make a  commitment to be with you grow, learn and experience each other and only each other. So often times, very often times, you see people breaking that promise and disrespecting their relationship by pursuing other people. Does that title, that commitment mean anything these days?

To many times you see people fronting, putting up this facade, portraying this image that we are soooo in love and happy but really, we just together because you make me look good or you offer this and that etc a bunch of bullshit is what it is. So wanting that type of love today involves a lot of trust and I do fear it the most, could be the exact reason I don’t have it yet. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying all relationships are this way, for instance my Aunt and Uncle have an amazing relationship. They have been together for 25, 26 years now and of course they have there ups and down but they truly love each other and you can genuinely tell it. They still go on dates, do odd quirky things for each other, but most importantly they truly love one another for who they are and that in itself gives me hope.  But oh well, I’m just a silly girl waiting on her silly love to spend forever with. Until then I will continue to enjoy and learn myself and trust God, very simple!

 

Brand New

Don’t expect a sorry, I’m discovering myself. Don’t be mad it’s a brand new time for me. WHAAAAAAAATTTT GURRRRLLLL!!!!!

I love me some Alicia Keys. Always been fascinated with her since the release of the song Fallen back in ’01, I think that’s the year. There is not one single song of hers, I can’t crank to the highest level and just get lost in.  I don’t even care if she comes out with a song about the alphabet, LOL, I’ll play it to death as well. imagesRW1TC5ID

It’s been a recent routine to start my day off with Alicia and todays song was Speechless featuring Eve, OH BOI, OH BOI that song OH BOI! Anyways, I say that to say it lead me to a few interviews that gave me a deeper understanding of why I connected to her and her music so much.

In one interview something she said stuck with me and then my brother, Broadus, sent me a message giving me some advice and boom I started writing. Crazy how simple things, if you PAY ATTENTION, can open your eyes to much more. But what she said was a few events in her life made her say OK, it’s time for me to control my destiny. (Very fitting for myself) Something to sit and dwell on for bit! In the interviews she was open, carefree and happy, it really showed peace!

What I gathered from watching these things was that at one point in time she was lost, stayed out of the way and drowned herself in work, was far from being happy and at peace. A celebrity who has everything that most people dreamt of but it meant nothing because she didn’t really know herself.  This goes to show that, once again, behind all the glitz, glitter, glam and smoke lies hurt and pain of some sort and that’s where the true meat of your story and who you are lies.

We all have a life we live from and a life we learn from. Find your truth, be honest, love and respect yourself. Let me take that back and rephrase it for a second, once you learn how to be truthful, be honest, love and respect God first, then you can be those things with yourself and others. Getting to that place that says Here I am, this is me, love it or hate it, who cares I’m me is going to be well worth all the tests, trials, struggle, pain and hurt we each go through.

Question to think about: Who would you be if you lost everything that so called defined you as a person?

http://youtu.be/0lr80E8GO64