My past has been like a roller coaster, plenty of ups and downs but all in all they have been very insightful. I’ve learned to take every lesson as a blessing, and to grow into a better person. What I have learned above all else, is that sometimes you just have to let ALL the hurt go in order to believe in something new. Those words alone are very comforting and very powerful. Learn your lessons, grow stronger and be a better you, everything happens for a REASON.
Finally back on track WHOOP WHOOP, and continuing the Reflecting my Truth blog post.
That post wasn’t to bash my dad, whatsoever. It was just a collection of how I felt with him being absent from my life. I’m not saying he is a bad person, I just understand that he has to learn some things about himself, deal with his own demons and conquer them in order to get back on track. By saying that I am not saying that its cool to be absent from your responsibilities, not at all. Accept them and do what you need to do, that’s what I am doing I am accepting my responsibility to learn from the situation, step up, become stronger and move on.
More TRUTH….The last part of the blog I stated “When you are lost, angry, hurt etc., you shut down, you start to do stupid shit and that’s what I did, the bad part was I didn’t even care.”….To dive further into that statement, what I began to do for a great deal of time was very unhealthy and far from who I know I am as a person but didn’t care. I began to experiment with drugs, mostly prescription drugs, and also added consuming alcohol into the equation. Awful combinations, always stayed high but handled my business, like that was cool. I kept up my responsibilities and lived rather well, just treated my physical body like a trash bag. Worst part about all of it was I didn’t even care, could have cared less if I woke up the next morning sometimes from all the crap I consumed from the day before. Again, there goes that image thing, nobody knew those things about me because I never let my outside appearance reflect what I was going through on the inside. Happy, bubbly, excited about everything on the outside but dead, constantly crying and depressed on the inside. Therefore, it never triggered my family nor my closest friends to ask the question “COLE, what the hell is going on with you girl?” Then again, maybe somebody did have an idea but just never wanted to ask and instead said a prayer for me. When you are lost, darkness consumes you and steals the joy, the happiness and the light you once knew…….To be continued.
NicoleCarter 